What matters most...
How well you lived.
How well you loved.
How well you let go.
How well you let go.
I think about these things a lot, actually. And I believe it matters most when in reference to beliefs, faith and our life as Christians.
How well do we live according to how the Bible calls us to live? How well do we love as God loves us? How well do we let go of our troubles and let God have total control of our lives?
Letting go is certainly the hardest part for me. It's so easy to say God is in control of my life and I live my life to glorify the Lord. But do I really? If I really did, then I wouldn't worry as much as I do. I wouldn't be sad as often as I am. John 14:27 says, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." It's still so hard to let go and let God take over sometimes. I know God has never failed me when I've called on Him, but I honestly sometimes still forget that I don't have to do this on my own. So.... I'm a work in progress.
While trying to get through the biggest break up of my entire life, I prayed this prayer to God. I told God that I knew I had to let him go. After hearing him say out loud that he was tired of doing the right thing all of the time and wanted to do what he wanted to do and didn't care what God thought about it. I told him that unfortunately for him, I did care what God thought and I couldn't marry (we were engaged) someone who didn't care about God anymore. I hung up on him and poured my heart out to God and admitted that I still loved this guy with my human heart and that my human heart wouldn't let me let go. I needed God to step in and help me let go. And God was faithful in this. A few days after I heard these awful things he said, I think God answered my prayer. This guy had called and let me know that he ran into an ex-girlfriend and thought he might still love her. He said he loved me but was really confused at his feelings toward her and thought he still might carry a love for her too. God knows I don't deal with things like this very well at all and it made it easy to break it off with him. I told him I was breaking off our engagement because I wasn't going to marry someone who might love someone else more than me and certainly not even if she were that close of a second place to me. While I told him he needed to figure it out and I was breaking up with him and calling off the engagement to give him time to do that, I knew that was really God stepping in and helping my human heart let him go. Of course, I ended up calling him back up a month later and he apologized and was ecstatic to hear from me and said he knew as soon as we hung up that I really was the one he loved and the one he wanted to marry. So the engagement was back on. But just before my birthday that following year (and a couple of months before the wedding), he stopped calling for no reason at all. It's like he just disappeared. I left him message after message and no reply. I thought maybe he felt bad about missing my birthday but assured him it was alright and I just wanted to know he was alright. Then once my great grandfather passed away (whom he adored), and there was no reply, I knew it was over. God stepped in once more and didn't give my heart a chance to feel sorry for him and eventually marry him after further apologies. Although crushed at the time, I knew deep down that this was God's move and He was protecting my future from further hurt by this man. I never heard from this guy again till shortly after my engagement to my (now) husband. I think that was a good way to have closure and let go of the past to be able to completely move forward with the relationship God planned for me. God is funny like that. Things we don't understand now, we just have to trust that what's happening is right. And trust me, sometimes it's really hard to understand how something like cancer or death is "right." But it will all be revealed in His time. And if we're truly living our lives for Him, we can wait for that big reveal because we know and trust Him to do good for us and take care of us. The Bible is filled with these promises.
"All things work together for good to them that love God and are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
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