A Truth

Truth: I have a second job.

After all the explaining I did about having the one job and needing to stay home with the girls, I recently realized that it just wasn't enough. So I decided to get a second job - this time working outside of the home. I have such mixed feelings about it - which brings me back to blogger to talk it out.

First I must say that I really really really love this new job. It's fantastic. My pay is decent enough for part time work. But it's that part time work that's bothering me.

I thought going part time meant 3-4 days a week maximum. Apparently at this place, it means you could actually be working 7 days in a row and only have one day off before you start another long streak of days. This is really bothering me. It's cutting into time I need for other things happening in my life - like the work at home job I have. Like motherhood. Like having a life outside of working. Like dinner.

Yes. Dinner. I don't get to eat dinner anymore because of this job. If I do, I have to bring it with me and eat while standing up behind the check out counter. That's IF we're not busy. Most of the time I'm there because we are busy - so that means no dinner. All this food I've bought from the grocery store to make my family for dinner - it's still in the fridge/freezer waiting to be prepared. I'm not home to enjoy dinner with my family anymore and I'm not even able to eat dinner at work either - most of the time.

I'm working about 32 hours in this "part time" job. It's 32 hours I was meant to be taking care of my girls and enjoying time as a family.

I never see my husband anymore. He gets home from work at 7am. He sleeps when he gets home while I wake up to take care of the girls. When it's time for me to go to work, he wakes up to take care of the girls. When I finally get home from work, he's needing to go to work. It sucks. And with only one day off a week (apparently), I will have to pray it'll always be on one of his days off so we can finally spend time together. But still - one day a week isn't enough "family time." It isn't enough visitation with my husband.

I honestly really really love working at this place. I don't want to quit and we really need that extra income right now. I guess I just need better hours. I realized today that aside from the new manager, I am the only other one who has children. No one knows what it's like to miss out on your family. And even the manager with children doesn't have a spouse who works overnights/opposite shifts.

This might just be killing me a little bit. Hopefully things will improve very soon.