A Bad Week

You may have noticed that I haven't blogged since last Friday. This has to be one of the worst weeks on Birch St. It's inevitable that when things start going so well, that the Devil will come along and try to mess it all up. Past mistakes in our life are coming back to haunt us and is leaving us completely stressed out this week trying to deal with it. On top of that, it's getting in the way of something incredibly important we're trying to do which is stressful enough on it's own. There's also all the little annoyances like locking ourselves out of the house on a cold day, neighbors driving through and tearing up our front lawn, and our first mouse situation in years. All in one week!

Side note: I am TERRIFIED of mice. It's my #2 all time fear. My first fear is too personal and weird to talk about. My #3 is drowning/head underwater. But back to the mouse... I'm terrified! I go into a full on panic attack when I see them. It's pretty serious and uncontrollable. People have tried telling me that they are more scared of me than I am of them, but that's just not true. I've had them run over my feet/legs before while cleaning out a closet. I've had them actually on my bed pillow while I was sleeping, eating my hair! So don't tell me they're more scared of me or they wouldn't come so close. Trust me. My fear instinct is to get as far away from it as possible. Them? Not so much.

I think the thing I dislike most about weeks like this is that it's hard to control my feelings around others. I can't even count how many times hubs and I have snapped at each other this week even though we both know it's better to stick together to work this out than fight for no reason. It's hard to not yell at the girls when they're so happy and I'm so upset. So you know how annoying the sounds of a squealing girl is when you're on the verge of tears? Sometimes I am so upset and involved in my problem that I can't even be "mom". I can't even be a very good friend. I feel like I get sucked into my problems and I don't even know what's happening with my friends. I don't always let my friends in on our problems. That's also tough to do. There's nothing they can do really and I try to only ask things of my friends when I know there is something they could do. I'm also very forgetful and I'm not there for people like I should be or when I should be. I'm completely living in the land of sulk and fear.

I suppose the hardest part about weeks like this is prayer. What? Yes. Prayer. I want things to work out but I don't always know what God's answer will be. His vision may not be ours. And I don't want to pray for something and have it not work out that way to the point that I don't understand why and then explain to everyone why God didn't work out what we've been praying for. It's hard to be a Christian and even harder when God doesn't have the same plan you do after you've prayed for something specific. I suddenly don't have "the answers" for anyone.

On the bright side, I do completely trust God to take care of us. He always has and I believe He always will.  It may not be our way, but everything will work out one way or another.

Know this: God, your God, is God indeed, a God you can depend upon. He keeps his covenant of loyal love with those who love him and observe his commandments for a thousand generations. 

Deuteronomy 7:9 (The Message Bible)